Today is January 3, 2014.
That is honestly so weird to think about. It seems like just yesterday I was diving head first into my sophomore year of high school.
SO much has changed, and while I was thinking about what this post was going to be about and I realized that I knew exactly what it was going to be about: change.
Change is inevitable. From the moment you outgrow Pull-Ups, to when you start wearing a bra, to getting your driver’s license, you are constantly changing.
I realized today, while at lunch with my best friend and my sister, just how much things are going to change in the next two years of my life.
My best friend, Raksha, is really smart. There is a school in Columbus, Mississippi called the Mississippi School of Math and Science (MSMS), and she is applying. My other really good friend, Ashley is, too. We three have this picture we like to call the “trad pic”. Basically, it was only for this year we took this picture. It was just anytime we went anywhere, really, we would take a picture in this same pose. Our last football game (we are on the dance team) it was pretty bittersweet, thinking, I had plans to be co-captains with Raksha our junior year and then move up our senior year and now, sophomore year, I’m losing my two best friends and this is the last time I’ll ever dance on the same team as them. I thought I would have so much more time.
We were talking today at lunch about next year, how much things would change for…everyone. I started to think about who I would hang out with next year, because for the past three years, those two have been by my side practically all the time.
Without thinking, I said, “Oh, I’ll just hang out with Ashley and Krupa!”
Raksha and Gracie’s (Gracie is my sister) faces dropped and I didn’t realize what I had said until Raksha just said, “Ashley…”
My face dropped and I felt my heart sink. It honestly felt like I’d been hit in the stomach and the breath had been knocked right out of me.
Well, damn. Scratch that idea, I guess. I was really zoned out the rest of the lunch after that happened. Next year was the only thing on my mind. Sure, I have “good friends”, but besides Ashley and Raksha, I have no one I could fully be myself around. I don’t have anyone I fully trust.
Anyway, them leaving next year is kind of a mini preparation for senior year. I guess I just have to grow up and start getting used to the change around me.
Starting basically now, things are going to start being thrown at my face, at surprisingly high speeds, too.
I sit here now as a sophomore in high school and when I start to think about where I will go to college in just two short years, I want to cry and curl up in a ball and go back to being ten years old.
But, that isn’ t how it works.
I have to grow up. I have to…change. I have to leave home. And, as much as I say I hate this place and my school, it is all I have ever known. But, if I want to be a famous actress, leaving the Mississippi Delta is kind of crucial.
If you did not know, I have my sights set on Broadway. I know it is far fetched and odds are, I will never make it, but there’s a voice inside me that tells me that I really need to try my hardest.
I’ve started to look at colleges that offer good musical theatre programs, and a lot of the best ones are….up north. It’s scary to think about that in just two years, I could be moving off to Pittsburgh. But, the dreamer in me takes the fear away and says “Hey, you’re so many miles closer to the Big Apple”.
Change is coming, and it’s inevitable. You can’t be scared of changing, of growing up, because life doesn’t stop for anyone. If you wait too long, you’ll look up and you’ll be 32, broke, and stuck. I don’t want to be like. I don’t want to feel like I missed out because I was too afraid of growing some balls and embracing the change.
All in all, it is never too late to change your life. If you are still in high school like me, you’ll make it out alive, and as scary as it can be, the change you fear so much, won’t seem so bad ten years from now.
As much as I will miss seeing my two best friends every day at school, I will always be calling them on the phone and driving to Columbus to see them. It hurts now, but…it will get better.